Cinema Inferno

I know I did a week ago and it was horrible. Whatever the reasons are, it sucks to be in a Cinema of Inferno.

These common infernos in the cinema halls are always around to annoy you:

  • stinky socks and shoes

Arrgh the smell of athlete’s foot… these people obviously have sniffing problems… don’t they know they carry a pair of stink bombs? Leave those feet covers on!

  • thumping and vibrating chairs

Harlow? I didn’t pay for a seat on the OSIM chair. I paid for a movie seat minus the kneading. Stop kicking and stop moving about. Go shake your pins somewhere else.

  • the parrot, the copycat

For your own sake, leave the lines of the characters alone. Don’t mimic them. You sound hideous and silly. Save the lines for the naturally gifted individuals.

  • seat potatoes

You paid for 1 seat not 2 or 1½ seats. Keep your limbs in your seat. I don’t want to see your feet on my arm rest nor I want my head between your feet. Hey this isn’t the beach!

  • body here, soul missing

Funny that one spends more time talking to a friend than actually watching the movie. You can hear whispers at the back and then maybe a giggle and soon after a mobile rings.

  • Get a room for my children sake

When I meant just now keep your limbs in your seat, I also meant keep your limbs to yourself and hands off each other. If you bought tickets and only wanted to make out in the cinema, must well just do it in the car or something but I guess it’s safer to be in public areas otherwise the risk of being caught by the I-thorities is quite high. Not that I mind other people’s businesses but you can clearly hear the hissing, slurping, pecking sound. Hands go missing, legs get caught somewhere. There was once, a girl was practically sitting on her boyfriend’s lap throughout the whole movie. Well, the most that Jake and I did in the cinema was hold hands and that was to keep ourselves warm.

Well, these are the few ones that I had encountered. Jake encountered them and believe me, he really gives them a piece of his mind when it gets too annoying. We paid for a movie and of course we want to watch the movie entirely in a proper manner. That’s what will make money’s worth.

About a week ago, we went to catch the A-Team at Midvalley Megamall. The kids tagged along too since it was a PG-13 movie. And yeah it was kinda like the last week to catch it. Too many movies lately. Can’t tackle all in a month!

So, I was seated somewhere in the middle with this lady. Mind you, she’s not Chinese nor Indian. She’s the modern M. Wearing a spaghetti strap top (low cut which exposed her boobs and they’re large by the way) and no head covers whatsoever.

At first, she was tame. Like a mouse but when the movie started, up came her legs (kangkang besar sekali), took my arm rest as her leg rest.

When an action scene is on its way, she actually squats on her chair. Me, so afraid on my seat, I was practically in a fetus position. She would flap her arms like she’s going to fly. Whoa her arms and hands would come near my face then she would make tiny ape sounds. Even the kids turned and looked and me. Their faces saying, “What is wrong with that WOO-MAN?”

The worse was when Bradley Cooper shows up, she pops up like a little kid in the candy bar. She would clap her hands as if she was Slappy the Sea Lion! There goes my movie synopsis. Half of the show I was traumatized. I thought of leaving the hall but every time when I turn to look at my kids, they were really enjoying the movie.

So, there it goes, one of the weird movie days I had. I think I’ll prefer to get the side seats next time.

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